You Know You Have Kids When...

We asked the Family Days Tried & Tested community of parents to let us know what moments within their everyday lives reminded them that they have kids…the results were uncannily relatable and a proper giggle.

It appears we are all in the same boat….from finding empty intricately scrapped out chocolate spread jars left in the cupboard, through to reaching for the toilet roll only to find just a quarter of a sheet left on the roll..these moments catch us all.

You know you have kids when…

…you wake up in the middle of the night and see a small child.s face about 3 inches from yours just standing there silently
…you know you’ve got boys when you’ve just cleaned the bathroom and return two minutess later to find pee across the back of the toilet and on the floor
…you can’t sleep past 7am because your body clock has adjusted to that of your dawn-loving sprogs…
…you talk to yourself in the third person in public even when your kids aren’t there e.g “What’s Mummy done with her phone?”
…you stand rocking an empty shopping trolley back and forth at the supermarket
…non-child carrying cars in ‘parent and child’ parking space are a source of daily rage
…you are still watching kid’s TV 30 minutes after your daughter has disappeared and is playing elsewhere!!!!
…you say, with some frequency, “I cannot and will not speak to you until you have underpants on”
…you have to go completely bat-sh*t crazy before anyone pays attention to the fact that you’ve been hollering “Teeth! Shoes! Hair! Book bags!” for the last 20 minutes…
…you rock your friend’s wheelchair at the pedestrian crossing because you are used to a pushchair

You know you have kids when…

…you can’t find a single pair of scissors even though there are 18 pairs in the house
…you can never reach the bottom of the washing pile
…you have kids when you pull up in the drive and take time to enjoy the moment before gathering yourself and waking them
…you have kids when you have a sweet and chocolate cupboard
…your tea is filled with biscuit mush at the bottom and you have a piece of some toy bopping on the lip as you drink
…you finish your meal and hear “Good girl for eating all your dinner mummy!”
…you can’t go to sleep until the teenager, who has no awareness of time, gets home and is in bed!
…wherever and whenever you hear a shouted MUM you look automatically
…you look forward to some time with the hubby and spend all your time talking about your child!
…you find yourself singing those damn annoying kids songs!
…a shower is a nice little treat!
…you randomly quote children’s TV programmes at inappropriate times (e.g. “They’re digging up the road!!” in the voice of Mr Bull from Peppa Pig whilst discussing roadworks with colleagues – none of whom have children!!)

You know you have kids when…

…you’ve let them have one too many biscuits just to keep them quiet for 5 minutes
…you pop to the shop for bread and come home 15 quid lighter with a selection of Peppa Pig/Paw Patrol magazines, new Kinder egg toys and NO bread.
…you know you have kids when your bank balance says empty, your ‘to do’ list is endless, your brain can’t cope and your heart is overflowing
…your handbag is full of baby wipes, small toys, hand sanitiser, etc and you’ve no room for lippy
…your partner finds you hiding in the kitchen shoving a Mars ice cream into your face at high speed because you really didn’t want to share
…you subconsciously filter out all noises… except those that indicate you’re shortly going to visit the hospital
…the cereal packets are left undone and there’s empty crisp packets down the back of the sofa
…you have a special celebratory dance you are ordered to do when someone does a poo on the potty
…your colleague at work asks you the spelling of something and you sound it phonetically…much to everyone’s amusement!
…you use the phrase “do not lick the ….” (insert appropriate answer: window, mirror, shoe, floor, toilet etc)
…you panic where your child is when in a shop. Only to remember they are in school.
…your 20+ years of life experience is naysay’d by a 7 year old

You know you have kids when…

…you “sniff test” random pants because you don’t know if you dropped them while putting them away or your child has flung them off with no regard as to where they land
…you haven’t pee’d alone since the day you first gave birth. 11 years and counting
…you go to bed and the house looks nice and tidy but by the time you get get downstairs in the morning (7am tops) the place looks like you’ve been burgled overnight
…your idea of a good night is an early bedtime
…as soon as you are on the landline they start fighting just out of reach
…you find yourself shouting “Train, train, it’s a train!” When there are 1) no kids in the car and 2) your friend (who is in the car and doesn’t have kids) is staring at you in complete shock. This also applies to farm animals and aeroplanes.
…your bath is full of shells, the sink is full of paint and glitter and every toilet roll is wet!
…the footwell of your car looks like a mix of Toys r Us, a jumble sale and has its own eco system growing within discarded wrappers!
…you get all the way to work before realising you’ve been listening to nursery rhymes on the CD player since you dropped your child at nursery 45 minutes ago
…the teenagers complain there are no clean plates, cutlery, mugs and towels. And you constantly hear “There is nothing to eat” yet all of the above items are in their room and they ate everything.

You know you have kids when…

…you wonder why you bother having a bathroom door
…you start to imagine you can hear screaming every time you’re in the shower!
…you argue with your 5 week old about the level of noise required to tell you she is tired, when you are well aware she is tired as you’ve been trying to get her to go to sleep for 2 hours and your 21 month old is sat with his fingers in his ears shouting BABY, BABY!
…you go to work just to enjoy a hot cup of coffee and time alone in the loo
…they bring a picture home from pre-school and you have to say how wonderful it is despite not having a clue what they’ve drawn!
…your 19 month old uses you as a trampoline
…you haven’t seen their bedroom carpet for years
…you find empty wrappers next to the bin and dirty clothes next to the laundry basket
…you can never find the gloves
…as much as you want your first born son to spread his wings and go to Uni, you can’t walk round Tesco without almost blubbing because you don’t have to buy all the untold crap food (squeezy cheese/ super noodles/ squirty cream) anymore because as of Saturday he won’t live at home anymore
…reassuring passers by that “it’s not mine” when a child cries in public play spaces because you recognise the exact pitch and tone of your own kid screaming
…you are kicked out of your bed at stupid o’clock by a “tired” child… and end up cwtching under the world’s smallest Peppa Pig duvet, on the floor, whilst said child starfishes under a massive duvet… in your spot on the bed
…you can embarrass someone just by walking into a room (#superskills of mum to a teen)
…you’ve just placed your bum on the sofa at the end of the day and one kid says “Mum, I’m hungry”
…you answer a child who shouts ‘mum’ that isn’t even yours
…you either look homeless or fabulous, with nothing in between
…you spend your days arguing with a smaller version of yourself about the correct way of using the toilet
…every time to walk into the living room you have to pick the cushions up of the floor
…you are out minus the kids, waiting at a pedestrian crossing and shout “Green Man!”
…you know you have kids when the TV channel is left on CBeebies for up to 12 hours a day regardless whether or not anyone is actually watching it
…whilst feeding your baby at 2am you realise you haven’t actually eaten anything apart from the crusts from your toddlers toast the previous day
…you’ve repeated, “put your shoes/coat on” 300 times, and child is still fiddling with buttons of cardi!
…you take a long hard sniff of a baby’s bottom…
…you smile at the other parents in the supermarket whose children are having a meltdown/tantrum
…you find clothes in every room minutes after you’ve dressed the toddler
…they desperately need a piece of equipment for school in the morning or they will be penalised, it’s 11 pm and they’ve woken you to tell you
…regardless of how many toys each child has to play with, they inevitably always desire what they other has!
…you go shopping for yourself and come back with stuff for them
…you just cleaned the floor but it looks like a whole herd of mucky feet had a party on the freshly mopped floor whilst you were putting the mop away!
…it’s midnight and you are finishing off your child’s costume for Roald Dahl day at school
…you say “Keep your hands to yourself”
…you know you’re a parent when, 10 seconds after passing the motorway services, they need to pee
…you’ve literally just finished putting the food shop away and people are already moaning that there’s nothing to eat/you’ve run out of