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You are here: Home / Uncategorized / Toxic Mothers – Mothers Aren’t Always Your Best Friend

March 10, 2019 ·

Toxic Mothers – Mothers Aren’t Always Your Best Friend

Toxic Mothers -  Mothers Aren't Always Your Best Friend

Mother’s Day can be a stark reminder to some. Memes that denote how wonderful mothers are. How your mother is your best friend, your endless wealth of support and advice, your highest confidant and your biggest fan. But sometimes that’s a world away from the reality and the truth that some mothers are toxic. As much as you’d love to buy into the ideology of the nurturing mothers that exist in abundance, for some that ideology brings nothing but a sad void. Natural jealousy and craving to have something so beautiful and special which you don’t have. A relationship that you don’t belong to, a relationship you’ve held out for. A mother.

Cutting ties with my own mother was an easy option for me. But making your way to that point in your life when you sever ties can be hard. The last resort when too many chances have been given. Too much hurt has been endured. Too many knocks down in replacement of building up. And a sudden realisation that you yourself need to rid toxic people from your life for your own sanity, well-being and success. And to give yourself an opportunity to bloom into the mother that you’d like to be, not the mother you had. A removal that can often be a last resort as there’s an expectation that your mother will always be by your side in a loving and caring capacity.

It’s difficult when you are surrounded by a society that dictates you have to love your mother as she’s the only one you have. That notion can be a far cry from the fact. It’s a harsh reality that sometimes your own mother can be someone that you’re better off without. I know, I’ve been there.

After a childhood filled with sexual and emotional abuse under the participant and allowance of my mother, children’s homes and foster carers (where I was reminded that true mothers come in all forms), I still held onto the need to have a relationship with my mother in the hope that things would one day change. But as I entered adulthood I realised that they wouldn’t. Scared witless of the thought of toxic breeding toxic, I kept her close to me so I was at least knowledgable of her actions and I could protect others from them. A case of friends close and enemies closer – an awful statement to apply to your own mother. But I walked away with the ethos that if she really did love me she’d let me go and take solace in the fact I was happy.

I know I would sacrifice my own happiness for my children’s.

Toxic Mothers -  Mothers Aren't Always Your Best Friend

But her actions did not change even at arm’s length and as thoughts turned to becoming a mother myself I knew I had to sever the ties completely to enable me to become the best person I could be for my own children. My own mother was a toxic woman that I cut ties with in my teens and I still stand by my choice today.

I gave her a childhood full of chances and although we most often give them chance after chance in the hope that they’ll change, sadly for some, they don’t. But there are positives to come from living with a toxic parent. I firmly believe that the negativity shown during my childhood has given me a huge ability to always seek out the positives. The consistent knockdowns have taught me that I always have the ability to get back up stronger. The criticisms have taught me that you will always get the best from people by building them up. I’ve learned that remorse for your own actions can mean the world. I’ve learned I can be a role model for my children. I’ve learned never to judge the make-up of a family.

I’ve learned that I am good enough.

The power to be the best mother I can has come from letting go of the one I had. I like to think that people change and I will always give people the opportunity to change but this Mother’s Day, just like the last one, I’m reminded that some people will never change and I will thank my mother for making me the mother I am today. Toxic most certainly doesn’t breed toxic.

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Filed Under: Mummy Musings, Uncategorized Tagged With: mother's day

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Family Days Tried and Tested provides inspiration to make everyday family life fun. It includes simple craft activities to do at home plus lots of reasons to play outside. Family Days Tried and Tested is all about frugal fun, honesty and lots of laughs.

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🐍 So pleased to see the churchyard slow worms c 🐍 So pleased to see the churchyard slow worms coming out of hibernation over the past week. 
I found a few whilst re starting the mammoth task of working the churchyard over the summer months this week - the two large ones in the photos, we picked them up and moved them along whilst caring for the grass around the bottom of gravestones - it’s their favourite spots to hang out. 

You may also remember back in October when I stumbled over a mound which I was clearing of broken glass jars, slates etc - kind of a dump area which I initially assumed was a plot under the undergrowth. It turned out to be a rich home for slow worms and I found at least five baby slow worms cwtched up in the buried jars and under the slates (around two inches long), once I’d established it was such a rich habitat I stopped my clearance efforts, added some additional slates and left the area (apart from clearing the broken glass)..I’m sure it was a hibernation hive. 

Today I returned to that spot and lifted one of the five additional slates I’d placed and found around 10/15 slow worms snuggled up together, at least three big ones (7/8inches) and lots of smaller (3/4inches), it was a lovely suprise, I only lifted one slate as if there was anymore under the other slates I didn’t want to disturb them. 

I’d mowed around the area in the week as a fist cut of the churchyard, you can see in the photo how long the grass has become. 
I called the children over to take a look at the nest and we covered it back up before circling the site with rocks to prevent others from disturbing them, I’ve made a simple sign out of a wood slice (which was supposed to be for my pots and pans in the kitchen to stand on😂) and hopefully they’ll continue to thrive.

Slow worms are native to the U.K. and can live for around 20 - 30 years. (They’ve been known to live for 54 years in captivity!) They are often mistaken for snakes but are actually legless lizards. 🐍
The are a ‘priority’ and ‘protected’ species in the U.K. 

It fills us with joy that they continue to be so apparent and comfy in the churchyard. #slowworm #churchyard #protectedspecies
☀️ The glow of the morning rising sun looking ☀️ The glow of the morning rising sun looking gorgeous behind the altar window today.
🦋💐🧺🚗 Yesterday I got a reduced butterf 🦋💐🧺🚗
Yesterday I got a reduced butterfly birthday cake at the supermarket so I took it as an opportunity to have a car boot picnic with Boo.
It wasn’t anyone’s birthday and there is never an excuse needed to eat cake. 
We put the back seats down in the back of the car  and transformed it into a garden with fake flowers, a green sheet and butterflies we’d painted. I made a butterfly to decorate a bottle of squash and drew butterflies on some paper cups. 
We then drove to the ocean and spent an hour together eating cakes, drawing in the sand and jumping in the breaking waves on the shore. 
Simple fun that started with a reduced cake👌 and a lovely time had by the both of us 🥰 ...time and £1:80 well spent.
Friday night chilling on the sofa 🥰 It’s bee Friday night chilling on the sofa 🥰

It’s been a really fab week away from the church but it’s wonderful to be back. I think we needed the past week to regroup and prepare for whats coming.

Commence the pod...
💪 we’ve got this...

& if we haven’t then the beach is down the road.
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