A note from Mrs FD…
A reminder that tomorrow is not promised…
This photo was taken last night and I can’t tell you how lucky I feel to of been able to take it.
On Friday I visited the doctor after feeling a bit poorly and an ECG showed up 3 abnormalities within my heart and I ended up being rushed to hospital with a suspected heart attack and the surrealness of it all has still not sunk in.
I was taken to the hospital in a moment not knowing whether I’d see my babies again.
A real slap in the face to the reality that we really are not promised each day. The thought of leaving my children and Mr FD behind was possibly the most horrendous thought process I have ever faced and the knowledge that it was beyond my control was even more terrifying.
I can firmly say that it was the most surreal, head fuzzy and undecipherable moment of my life and has shocked me to the core, completely.
After 12 hours it was determined that undetected abnormalities within my heart were the probable cause and that further investigations are needed to define the course of action needed to manage this in the future.
During the birth of Ms A 11 months ago I was faced with a serious cardiac situation which now suggests an ongoing problem.
To hear the doctor telling you that you may have had or may be in the process of having a heart attack is a very cold feeling that changes your perspective of life immediately. It’s very hard to explain and I don’t think I could even if I tried. It’s a moment in which every ounce of understanding leaves you and you just cling on by the seat of your pants and just hope with your whole being that you can ride the storm and emerge.
The last few days have unexpectedly thrown our world into a whole new light and on a personal level has rumbled me to the core.
I’m 43 and absolutely not ready to check out yet but have had a real insight to the harsh reality that we don’t hold the promise of each day.
So where do I go from here?
I’m not really sure at the moment. The emotions I am feeling from the situation have caught me on the hop. I seem to be caught in a bubble that’s embracing a thousand emotions, disbelief, shock, thankfulness, confusion, appreciation but mostly an overwhelming feeling than I’m still bloody here because for a moment that was not a promise.
I’m not really sure what else to say at the moment but I felt the need to say something because FD is a place where I openly lay my heart on all levels.
I already felt quite accomplished at trying to absorb every precious moment in my life but on Friday those precious moments didn’t seem enough. I felt I was about to be robbed of the ability to absorb so much more.
But, surrounded by complete mess and way too much noise, I’m still here.
I may have a new found dodgy ticker but by God I’m still here with a vocation of motherhood to fulfil and a promise that the mess will never be too much and the noise never to loud.
So today, love and be loved and concentrate on absorbing everything…
That’s most definitely what I’ll be doing.
Mrs FD ❤️