After the events of yesterday I wanted to write a post but I’m struggling to find the right words to portray my feelings, not like me I know but to be honest I don’t know what I can say.
People moan about Facebook, it’s often a place for hardened opinions, opportunities to disagree and all too often a place of judgement.
But Facebook can be such a beautiful place filled with loveliness, support, empathy, compassion and unity.
On FD you don’t have to look very far to find that.
I’ve been running FD for 3 years now, it’s not something I do for gain, it’s purely a hobby that I started after our 6th child was born but it soon flourished into a comfortable place to be.
I’ve shared the most mundane posts regarding my journey through parenting, I’ve shared the ridiculous belly laughing moments, I’ve shared my mistakes and my triumphs…I’ve shared my heart both when it’s bursting with happiness alongside the times I felt it was breaking during some unpredictable moments that we’ve faced.
I’ve never asked for anything in return and have always reaped rewards in knowing that I have a shoulder to lean on, a place where I can turn to reassure me that I’m normal, a place that’s relatable, somewhere to find others to laugh with over my downfalls and accept myself and my family for who we are. A place where I can exude love through the simplest of things and feel that love being thrown right back at me with oodles more love attached.
Many of you have watched my children grow, you’ve held me through the screen as they’ve spread their wings, you’ve embraced us bringing new life into the world whilst soothing us through grief.
FD has quickly become an extension to our family and helps us everyday to install an enthusiasm to do what we can for our children whilst maintaining an ethos run on simplicity & love. You’ve helped us to absorb things that once upon a time we may of rushed past without seeing.
I’ve always expressed not only my frustration over my children but also the maternal love I feel towards them as they’ve changed into adults and ventured further and further away from the nest, I’ve shared my thoughts and feelings on the ever changing dynamics of our family…I’ve found that most often I’m not alone in my thoughts.
Yesterday was a tough day and I was left feeling helpless over a heartbreaking situation and was thrown into a sadness over things that happen that have no reasoning.
Over the past few years I have been quite vocal in the journey of our biggest daughter (18) as she has grabbed onto opportunities with both hands, studied hard, partied hard, flown the nest to follow her own path to university and travelled the world…she’s always worked to fund her own travelling and has grown into a beautiful, self sufficient, driven and articulate young woman that has grabbed life with both hands and continues to do herself proud. During this travelling she has made friends but most importantly she has found and slotted into and been accepted into a family, a home away from home that has accepted her as their own with no expectations or ties.
That’s exactly what families should be.
A safe place a million miles over the ocean, a nest where she has been completely welcomed for who she is.
Theses are chosen families, not families born of blood but families purely born of love.
This is where she found Brooklynn, a little girl that was also part of a chosen family and slotted in to be washed with love and care by a family that was destined to be hers even though her family were not blood.
Brooklynn very quickly became her sister.
Sadly Brooklynn was in need of a new heart from the day she was born but, seemingly this never altered her love for life, her ability to warm other people’s hearts and her evident knack to create smiles and grow just like any other toddler.
A few days ago their was an air of elation as it was announced that a suitable heart had been found for her.
Everybody was by her side both in physical being and in thought over the ocean as she started on her transplant journey.
Brooklynn received her new heart but it wasn’t the happy ever after that should of been.
After two days she lost her fight and passed away.
She was two.
I can’t explain to you the devastation that this bought.
Ms FD was left feeling hopeless at university in London whilst thousands of miles away her chosen families world was blown apart.
Ms FD is one of the most compassionate human beings that you could ever meet, her thoughts for others are immense and to not be there during such an awful time was incredibly hard for her.
We helped where we could, but it wasn’t as simple as just jumping on a plane, it was not a journey that could be frivolously taken in the blink of an eye….but it was a journey that she strived with ever ounce of her being to do.
She’d already worked hard to fund a return back to her chosen family in a few months time without the knowledge of what the last few days was going to bring.
If she could of been their to hold Brooklynns hand then she would of been, after the heart donor was announced ms FD priorities turned to getting out there as soon as she could.
But time was something that wasn’t given and her plans were thrown into a haze when Brooklynn passed away.
As a page and as rule I don’t reach out to our followers for charitable support, I don’t tend to post the pleas I receive from others to help or highlight their charitable efforts, I follow the same rule for myself as I do for our followers. I may try and raise awareness where I feel my voice can make a difference but our page is not a tool to reach out for help in a monetary sense.
But yesterday I went against the grain.
Ms FD had set up a gofundme page in the hope of her friends and family helping her to attend Brooklynns funeral….I was not aware she had done this until it popped up on my personal Facebook feed.
I shared this link on FD, with the utter sadness of the day overwhelming me I didn’t think too much about my actions. I just felt I needed to do something.
The results of this reiterated to us that family is indeed often chosen and really gave us a realisation that FD is indeed just that …’family’.
Over the course of the evening with your generosity ms FD gofundme target was achieved and less than 24 hours after the devastation had hit her sadness was eased by an ability to purchase airline tickets to attend Brooklynns funeral. She leaves Friday.
What this means to us cannot be put into words.
The passing of Brooklynn has undoubtedly left a wound that will never heal but thanks to you guys Ms FD is left with a feeling that the world has held her up, embraced her, shown compassion, empathy, generosity and love.
And if it was ever something to be questioned it has shown her, and us too that family is way more than just those that you share your everyday life with.
Yesterday we were shown unity.
We were shown love from a place in which we already knew it nestled, but we were ultimately shown that family is chosen and FD has a fabulous one that was there to hold us up.
Family Days Tried & Tested
Yesterday the world lost a courageous and beautiful little girl who left with us appreciation and a realisation the love lies in the most unexpected of place, sometimes we just don’t see it.
30 06 13 – 29 03 16
*A personal note from Ms FD:
“It seems insufficient – words – but it’s all I’ve got right now. I just wanted to try to begin to show my gratitude at the generosity, kindness and love that has been shown to me over the past few days. I am humbled at the sheer volume of people who have extended their hands in helping me, its truly touched me and lightened the load of my heavy heart. The donations, the well-wishes, the thoughts and the condolences have each and every one been appreciated immensely by me and my family. I just wanted you all to know that I am sincerely grateful for everything that you have all done in light of my recent situation and I will never forget the kindest shown to me during this time.
Endless gratitude, Abi (little Ms FD)”